>> Monday, March 29, 2010
Self-entitlement or entitlement
1.the act of entitling.
2.the state of being entitled.
3.the right to guaranteed benefits under a government program, as Social Security or unemployment compensation.
The definition sticking in my mind today or maybe all this week is #2 the state of being entitled. The symptoms of self-entitlement are intense douchebaggery and excessive assholeyitis. The only real cures involve crowbars used to either pull the infected person's head out of their ass, or if that fails, the crowbar may be used to beat the infected person until you feel better.
We all come across the infected people daily, and it won't get better unless we talk about it and admit there is a problem - a problem with other people.
Normally my 9yo takes the bus to school, but this morning I gave him a ride. I was going 55 or 60 mph down the rode when all of a sudden Fugly Yellow Avalanche Halfwit pulled out in front of me. That stop sign on the road she was leaving did not apply to her, because she is far too special for silly things like stop signs. She did a fast rolling stop to make sure that I was right where I'd have to slam on my brakes to avoid hitting her. She might have even pretended that she couldn't see my car because of the light rain, but I had my headlights on at the time. The thing that really enhanced her issue of entitlement is that she had her kids in the truck. How would I know that? I followed her all the way to the school. Maybe she thought I couldn't keep up if she went really fast, but we all know that the dumbass that goes the fastest still ends up getting there at the same time as everyone else.
It was in the school parking lot that I encountered the next two people on the entitlement hot sheet - Grey Explorer Ignoramus and Extra Tinting Escalade Imbecile. Both of their empty cars were parked right in front of the giant signs announcing VEHICLES MUST NOT BE LEFT UNATTENDED YOU STUPID LAZYASS LOSER. Ok, so it doesn't say that exactly, but the first part is accurate. The school has a double lane drop-off system, so not only do you have a line of cars trying to go through the parking lot, but you also have 2 lines of cars containing little tiny kids trying to get to the sidewalk.
I passed 7 unused parking spots in the front row. SEVEN. Of course, Ignoramus and Imbecile don't have to use the parking spaces, because everyone knows that they are soooo important that they get to park in the no-parking zone right in front of the school a whole 20 feet away from the open parking spots. Can you imagine being that important? It must be like being the President or Martha Stewart or Jesus.
While Imbecile and Ignoramus were in the school discussing how best to rule the world with their badass rule-flouting selves, the rest of us were forced to slowly creep around their vehicles and hope we didn't squish any kindergartners. If I could have been sure that Imbecile and Ignoramus would have only been in the school for a few minutes, I would have waited around to congratulate them on their self-declared awesomeness. To do that, I would have had to circle the whole parking lot go park by them (must emulate my heroes) Since I'd already made it around the loop once without killing a kid, I decided not to risk it a second time. I regret that now, of course, because I just know they would have loved to show me how to park illegally and maybe even how to text with both hands while driving.
Stay tuned for tomorrow's episode on grocery stores or hypochondriacs. It will depend on who I come in contact with first.